I hear a lot of people talking about feeling bad that they have “bribed” their children in one way or another. I wanted to spend a minute relieving that little bit of misuse of vocabulary, and letting all moms feel better out there.

There is a huge difference between “Bribery” and “Incentive.” Bribery is a reward for doing something wrong. “I’ll give you a million bucks to lie to the judge in a court case,” is bribery.

Incentive, however, is a reward for doing something right. We want our children to be learning to put aside the desires of the flesh and have the self control to do what is right in all circumstances. I think a bit of incentive is appropriate in those situations.

For example, we have the deal that any child who finished reading through the Bible in it’s entirety gets to go do something special with the parent of his/ her choice. So far two children have done it since issuing the challenge; one is going to an airplane museum in Ohio (an overnight trip), and the other is going to spend the day in our big amusement park a couple hours away.

I have the same challenge issued to anyone who memorizes the sermon on the mount, but no one has taken me up on it yet.

We do smaller “incentives” also. To the three year old who has a hard time sitting in church, a piece of candy if they sit quietly. To the one having a hard time figuring out difficult math problems, a jelly bean per correct problem. To the slow child, the chance to run outside for 15 minutes if they finish their work diligently.

We never give these if the behavior has first been horrible. If a child is misbehaving in the store they need to be disciplined, not rewarded. We should not cajole into good behavior. They should be rewarded for showing good behavior through their growing in self-control.

Take the time to think of a few wonderful rewards for good behavior, and start encouraging it in your children!

This post is linked to Works for Me Wednesday.

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