Whether you make the choice to be a work at home mother, a work force woman, or a housewife, the decision should not be one that’s made alone.

When my husband and I first married, we began to notice that once we both were working, we had little time to spend together, and what time we shared was full of exhaustion and irritability. Often both of those feelings were met with confusion which lead to anger. Were our honeymoon days already over? The days of bliss were quickly evaporating and I began to panic. I grew up in a family where divorce wasn’t just a statistic, it was nearly a future fate for anyone that said, “I do.” I did not want my marriage to end like those that had gone before me.

A few months later I found myself without a job. That was the first time when my husband sat down and had the conversation on whether or not I should return to the work force, after all, I knew many women who were stay at home mothers, but we were still without children and I began asking myself a question that I would be asked time and time again for the next five years, “What would I do all day? Wouldn’t I get bored?”

When couples sit down to have this important and life changing discussion, you should come with all your cards on the table. Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do I really want to be a housewife?
  
• Will I want to work from home as well?
  
• Am I ready to deal with most of the work at home?
  
• Are we able to financially survive? (Notice I said survive and not “live luxuriously.”)
  
• Am I willing to defend my choices to others?

If this is something you truly feel good about doing, don’t be afraid to say so. Trying to convince your husband that this decision is smart and appropriate to whatever circumstances you find yourself in may seem like manipulation if at first you don’t tell him your true feelings. Be open and honest. Share your feelings and your fears and discuss them with one another and give each other time to think about it. You don’t need to make this choice in one night.

Some of the reasons we decided to have me stay home while my husband became the bread winner began to reveal themselves as we discussed our options and observed life as we proceeded to go through the motions. Our marriage seemed to improve because we weren’t both coming home to a pile of laundry, dirty dishes and dinner to cook. I took care of things at home, and he was free to be concerned at work knowing that he had a his own slice of heaven to return to each night. I began to realise that I had truly been raised by a good, hard working family, who were unable because of careers to teach me the things that many girls grow up learning. I did not know how to cook, do laundry, or keep the house clean and maintained. Because being home was now my job, I was able to handle things around the home without the worry and concern of a job hanging over my head.

“But why not wait till you have children?” I was consistently asked by both friend, family member and occasional stranger. My reason was, and is still the same: I am able to learn all I need to be able to run my home smoothly, and I am able to do so without also learning how to care for a child on 3 hours of sleep. I hope that my choices now, will help benefit my children in the future when they have a mother who can devote herself to their care, because she already knows how to run on a routine. In the meantime, I can devote myself to my marriage, my house, and my “furry” children.

But that’s just my life. It’s what worked for us. Every family is different. What is the same is that the choice must be discussed, all options included and both spouses should come to the same decision: what is right for our family. Choosing to stay at home with a bitter, left out husband will not make you happy to be at home in the slightest!

As for the age old question, “What do I do all day? Don’t I get bored?” Well, you can ask my kitchen! There’s always something to do, something to clean and someone to love.

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