A Letter to Moms of Lots of Littles
Today, I want to write a specific post to the Mamas of Lots of Littles. Or maybe Only Littles. And by Littles I mean the children too small to really be a helpful member of the family. Once I heard an interesting thought: when children are little (under 7 or so?) they are not a productive member of the family — they cost more to feed than they are able to help out. In the middle years they even out — they can help enough to balance the food they eat. By the time they are bigger, they can help enough to be a positive member of the family’s society. I think that was from an Amish or Mennonite background, but I think it has value. OK — we can argue semantics for a while… I know that a person’s value is not just dependent on what they can produce, but go with me on this.
I now have Older Children, Middle Children, and Little Children. Things are easier than they used to be. When the baby is fussy, I can sleep in a little. I rarely have to do the dishes. I even split the cooking duties, so if I am in a project, the children still get fed. BUT — I remember when I only had little ones. I remember it well.
I still get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about it. My mind flashes back to that 4th story apartment in Okinawa, Japan, where my husband was deployed or working all the time. I remember the loneliness and isolation. I remember pacing the floor with Anna who cried all the time her first 6 months of life. I remember being so tired I was dizzy. I remember crying as I surveyed the laundry piled over my entire sofa, as high as my neck. Oh, do I remember.
Here’s my encouragement to you — this too shall pass. You will survive this. And, surprisingly, so will your children. They will grow up. Although the days are very, very long, the years are so very short.
As hard as it is at times, enjoy your children. Here are my suggestions for your sanity in these years:
- Have a routine. Notice I didn’t say schedule. Routine. Go from one thing to another in order so they know what to do, where to be, and what is coming next. This will help you. Have each person have a place to be and something to do.
- Teach them to play alone. This is hard if there are a lot of them, but it is important.
- GUARD Naptime. If they don’t all sleep, make them read on their beds. Give yourself some quiet time. And use the quiet time for YOU — not to catch up on housework.
- Teach them to help you. When you are emptying the dishwasher, let them do the silverware. When folding laundry, they can fold kitchen towels and washclothes. When cleaning the bathroom, they can wipe down the sink with a cloth while you do the tub. They can empty the garbages into the kitchen garbage can. Work together, room by room. Before long, they will be able to do the simple things on their own. Then it is just a matter of time before they can do bigger things.
- Snuggle up on the sofa and read to them. Some of our favorite times were reading aloud together. I rarely do it any more. I wish I did.
Someday you will be past the All-Littles Stage and be able to look back and realize that it’s easier. I promise. If not, you can come and cry on my shoulder and accuse me of lying. Until then, enjoy your children, and keep doing the next thing. Don’t forget to train them well. Things which are cute at two are not so cute at twelve. I promise you’ll survive this. I did!
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AUTHOR | Carri
Carri is the wife of Eric, an EMS helicopter pilot in rural Kentucky. Carri blogs at The Peterson Clan about the craziness of raising and educating their nine children, along with their attempts to raise cows, chickens, and a garden.
I love this! I am a mom of TWO littles and one of them is a velcro child. It’s nice to remember that too soon it will be over and then they wont want to hang on to me.
AMEN! What a great post of encouragement!
I wholeheartedly agree with your suggestions! They really do work!
Excellent, excellent post. I especially second the “teach them to play alone” part. I have a friend whose kids wear her out because she is their sole source of entertainment. It’s not good.
Fabulous!
I have my 2 year old hold the dustpan while I sweep, she helps me put laundry in the dryer (since she can reach) and helps me plant when its warm. She got her own broom for Christmas. Didn’t find the cute baby vacuum for her, though.
They’re not going to learn how to help later and do it on their own if they don’t learn young
Great advice!
The swiffer is my kids favorite way to clean. I made them a special one with two sections of handle removed so its the right height (for them anyway, I stoop).
@Lisa, Actually, I’m spending a lot less since I’ve cut down on how much milk I drink and how much I snack. If I decide to spend more on “healthier” food, I don’t think I’ll be spending any more grocery money than usual. It’s a good deal all around!
This is excellent, Carri. I remember clearly a conversation I had with a dear friend last year. We were both sitting in my van nursing our babies during a football game. (We live in a tiny town… we pull our vehicles right up to the sideline of the field.) My third baby, with two sibs ages 2 and 4. Her ELEVENTH baby, with sibs all the way to adult.
We were just chatting away, and I think she was subtly encouraging me to have more children
when she said “Amy, you are in the trenches right now. Once your oldest turns 5 it gets much easier. Then you have helpers.” It’s a year later, and she’s right, as I knew she would be. 
My older kids are such great helpers, BUT I have to be consistent in TEACHING them to help!
THANK YOU for your encouraging post! I am the momma to a 2YO and an 8MO and just about at my wit’s end most days, ready to find them new parents. LOL. Seriously, though, I so very much appreciate your suggestions. I worry so much about what needs to get done around the house that I forget how important it is to “play” with them. After all, they aren’t going to remember just how clean the house was, right. I LOVE the ideas of “snuggling up on the sofa and reading” and “teaching them to help”, I definitely want to do more of this. And while my 8MO spent some time playing by herself just this morning (I needed to get a few extra zzz’s after being up with her a couple of times during the night), do you have any suggestions as to how to teach my 2YO-must-be-where-the-action-is son that it’s okay that he play in his room *without* mommy?
Thanks, again….great post.
Blessings.
I’ll have two under 2 in five months, so i needed to hear this!
Oh, you’re a genius!
Thanks for the encouragement! I have a 5, 3, and 1 yr old and they have moments of being helpful, but mostly it is as you say, they are work! I have had the thought that they will be able to help out more as they get older and your experience gives me hope that is true! My toddler loves to help unload the dishwasher, which I thought was great. “He’s starting to be helpful so young,” I thought!! But then I found him unloading dirty dishes into my drawers and cabinets
!!! Oh so not helpful!!!
Great Post! I know a family with three Little’s under four. They feel overwhelmed and outnumbered. Well, we have 5 under the age of six (and one on the way!). We remember…but really, it does get easier. Even though my oldest is only six, she is a very mature six. She is a huge help. She loves to play with the baby, help cook, unload the dishwasher etc…. and her younger brother is right at her heals. I have also found that my attitude is contagious. If I drag my feet through my chores with a victim attitude..the do to. But if i smile and sing….they are right there with me.So…anyway…..all that rambling just to say…yes it does get easier. And I second the notion to enjoy them now….the perfect house can wait….but each missed moment is gone forever.
Keep posted, next week’s post will be on child training. It is so important for a peaceful household! I so admire all of you who are having all little ones. I know you will get through it. Keep your eyes on the prize, and you will do a great job.
Wow, thanks for the reminder.
My twins are 18 months and our son is 3 months…some days seem like an eternity!
I could have wrote this exact post! I have twin 6 yr olds and a 4 yr old. When my youngest arrived my twins were 22 months so I had 3 under 2 for a time. Now that my 2 oldest are soon to be 7 (turning from Littles to Middles) this is the exact encouragement I give to “Moms of Littles” as you put it.
Thanks for this letter. We have a 3yo boy, 2yo girl, 1yo boy, baby on the way! We love our children and pray to be blessed with a quiver full. However that doesn’t mean that I don’t cry regularly because I am overwhlemed, that doesn’t mean that I don’t lose my aweful temper, that doesn’t mean that I spend all of the time I should with my littles. I love them and I have been searching the blogosphere in hopes of finding someone who will encourage me and my friends like me. I find many blogs with moms of large families but I am still looking for women who are willing to give me advice and tell me how in the world they got through these years with all the littles! I long for the day when my chores can be delegated. I suppose I will continue to spend much of my time training littles in the future but at least then I will have middles and bigs to do some of the housework so I have more time for mothering
I smile at the thought of it. Today will be supervising my children and training them how to but away thier own basket of clean laundry. My oldest is almost four, he now can put clothes on hangers. his daddy says he enver should have shown me that! There is no reason he cannot do his entire basket of laundry start to finish with a hlittle help. Thanks again so so so much for reaching out to help us moms of all littles. We need all the help we can get 